.

Tried making a manwich the other day, then I realised they contradict each other.

What process do snitches require? photosynthesis.

I was scrolling through facebook and I girl's status was: "Chucky dolls are so cute". I commented "yeah until they try to kill you".

Where do you find pricks? on hollyday.

Smart people work with logic, stupid people work with dumbells.

people keep asking me, why don't you stay fit? I keep telling them, It's hard to keep it up. Girls then ask me why don't you last longer in bed? I tell them, "Same problem"

All pencils are suicidal. Their life is drawing them towards a blunt ending.

My wife has been on my back for years, making me do work round the house, visit her family. Then she started bugging me to start reading a bit at night before I go to sleep. so I started reading a book entitled "How to make your wife's death look like an accident".