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I slept with this girl and in the morning I asked her, "Are you sure you haven't got HIV?" she said, "I'm positive".

A woman is like a bank. The more money you put in, the more interest you get back.

A Gangsta camel attended a sex addicts meeting. When it came to his turn to speak he just said "I has two humps".

In my spare time I do lightsaber battles, unfortunately 2 years ago I got my hand chopped off. They call me hand solo.

When I was younger I tried jumping off a table to see if I could fly, I know you've all tried it! Anyway, I obviously couldn't so I was sulking for the rest of the day. My mum then came into my room that night and asked "What's keeping you down?" so I said "Gravity."

I have a friend who's like a twig. Very thin and if you shine a light on him long enough he leaves.