.

My mum and dad decided to come and visit me at uni. I thought I would show them my halls of residence, the rest of the flat was a mess.

My mum was never too good at making jokes but then my dad helped her and BOOM! here I am.

What did the alcoholic say to the doctor? Can I have a shot?

I was waiting in the doctor's waiting room and I heard this couple talking. Turns out the guy had what you call inflamed testicles. I turned to him and I said, look on the bright side, you're not ginger, once they start puberty they have it 24/7.

The sun is a star that was neglected as a child and now requires anger management.

I could fly, if gravity would stop holding me down.

My friend updated her facebook status the other day. She said "Kitty wants to play, But I can't be bothered." So I commented. "If you don't want to play with your pussy I will."

I got a fake ID last week. I'm already 18 but who doesn't want two birthdays?!