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Software programming is like a one night stand. It only takes one mistake to fuck it all up and then you can spend the next month debugging it.

On Friday nights I'm like a computer virus. I pretend to be something I'm not so I can get the information I need and then screw you over.

Why would you name an internet browser "Firefox"? That's like naming your pet dog "Fridge".

News reports show that a blonde died last week from dehydration while sitting at her computer. A forensics team noticed that the only worn out key on her keyboard was F5.

My wife said "You never listen to me", I replied, sure I do, I hear the water running in the kitchen every day.".