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The other day I was walking past a Mc Donalds and for the first time in my life I'd saw one with scaffolding surrounding it. At that point I realised that Maccies has become so fattening that even the buildings require support.

I went to America on holiday during the summer and I went out clubbing when I met this beautiful girl. I went over to her and started talking to her. She asked me, if you could be a farmer or a builder which would it be? I said builder, farmers are too corny.

I think before he died, Gaddafi  should have been prosecuted with copyright theft. He stole his whole defence system from minesweeper.

A blonde went for a job interview to become the owner of a company. The interviewer said she wasn't fit for the job. She spent the next two years exercising every day only to be turned down again.

Don't put a blonde nerd on an online dating site. Where is says number she'll enter her ip address.

At a club I never go for tall girls, I'm scared of heights.

I was at a One Direction concert the other day then I noticed that direction was the exit.